Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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