there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
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Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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