i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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