new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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