I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
