Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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