i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
