Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
