You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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