You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
