First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
