I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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