First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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