You really coming over, don't trick.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
