I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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