I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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