he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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