Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
