I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
