I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
