i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
