I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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