Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
