I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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