Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sobbing to NWA
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
