just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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