Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His nipple licking is glorious
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