I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
