I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
