is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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