I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
