It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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