My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
