He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
