Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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