I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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