I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
