Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
