marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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