You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
