trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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