just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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