But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize