I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
