Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I want to have your abortion
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
