It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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Randomize
