I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
