is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
