yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was born a porn star she said
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
