the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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