I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
