A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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