I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize