the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
