so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love