I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i can juggle bunnies
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i think im in europe. pls send help