The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
