My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
