My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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