Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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