i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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