I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
